In the Weeds

Most of my life until now I’ve worked in some layer of restaurant staff.

It’s true of most restaurants that you start in the lowest, least paying position and work your way up. Through the years I did exactly that, even becoming an owner and head chef of my own restaurant for 10 years. But long before my own restaurant, at age 15 I started as a hostess in a restaurant called “The 50’s Grill.” My jobs included answering the phone, making reservations, greeting and seating new guests, and all while wearing a poodle skirt uniform! As the years progressed, so did I. 

Starting as a hostess was helpful in that I already felt comfortable with the server’s section layout and the general flow of service on any given day of the week. So, I was promoted and became a server. 

In this position I learned how to memorize the menu well enough to answer all questions from customers, then take food and drink orders efficiently and correctly. I learned how to navigate the computer system to enter each table’s ticket, and converse with the kitchen when necessary to avoid mistakes. 

I was also responsible for the money handling of cash coming in from customers, giving correct change, and settling all transactions from that day’s shift with my manager. And be wary of forgetting that all of this and more must be done cheerfully with a smile on my face because the lion’s share of a server’s life is not only in front of the public, but is also many times the focal point of the guests’ evening. 

A good server has the ability to turn the tide of their tables experience, while a bad server can do the very same thing but in a very bad direction. Needless to say, I’m sure I’ve had my hand in providing all kinds of experiences for the tables in my section throughout the years. If done well, there’s definitely money to be had when working that profession. And I learned that before just going straight into cajoling each table in the same way, I needed to at least put in the effort to recognize the people’s mood and keep in mind how those moods could change. I really liked being a server because even in my own personal everyday life, I’m very efficient-minded and multi-tasking comes easy to me.

Most servers I knew would then progress to some kind of manager to be in charge of all the other servers. My path led me to bartending. I was not yet 21, but my multi-tasking talent came into full swing because each shift I walked into the customer demand went from 0 to 100 as soon as I clocked in. There’s an amazingly vast difference in what and how to manage things during each shift as a bartender; The money moves more quickly and with more inaccuracies, and the biggest difference by far is the customers you’re serving. Alcohol changes everything, and in general I began to expect considerable drama happening throughout each and every shift. 

Once again, I made good money, but one begins to ask oneself, “Is the money worth it for all this craziness?” I most likely wold have stayed in some position serving customers. But it came about that I decided to move to California wherein I attended culinary school and started my journey of working in the kitchen.

Working in so many positions in restaurants could have given me a false idea of what ownership was like, or even as far-reaching as feeling like I knew what things the head chef was going through; Boy, oh boy, did I have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER. I feel that different galaxies composed of different planets would be an apt comparison between being employed in a restaurant versus owning a restaurant.

So why do I bring this up in relation to my accident, or for anyone going through trauma? Because there’s a saying that’s known well to restaurant workers regardless of the position title. The saying is, “in the weeds.” No, it doesn’t mean you’ve stopped your boat over a shallow spot on your fishing trip, or that you’ve taken a wrong step off your hiking path, or that you’ve procrastinated cleaning your garden until it’s overrun. 

It means, at any given time you have found yourself in a situation where it feels you’re unable to extricate yourself from “weeds” or the tasks of your job at that time. As a server, hostess, bartender, line cook, dishwasher, head chef, or owner, the weeds have a sneaky way of being duplicitous. For example, the same problem can look very different depending on who you are and the responsibilities of your job. As a server, my weeds were often having more tables of people sitting in my section than I knew how to help. I’d run around the restaurant trying to mentally recite each person’s order while filling waters, bringing out hot food, clearing dirty dishes, and watching for new tables being seated in my section. If I was working as a hostess that night the weeds pulling me down were checking every time the door opened, greeting new tables, finding an open table for each party, keep a running wait list, and answering any phone call to help with whatever they may need.

As a dishwasher, the weeds of the night were literally massive piles of dirty dishes being stacked up relentlessly from every person working that night. If I didn’t work fast enough, those dirty dishes weren’t going to clean themselves; Rather, they would just be piled up to be saved for a rainy day. That “rainy day” being the very end of each night after shutting and locking the front doors; That often meant staying to clean hours into the night. They were certainly still weeds, but I’d argue they were the cleanest weeds you’ve ever seen!

As a line cook or head chef in the kitchen, the machine that printed each table’s order would be printing absolutely NON-stop, so much so that the sound of it still haunts me to this day. I didn’t have an option of whether or not I wanted to complete those orders. They simply needed to done, one after another after another; Print, print, print, print, without ceasing. My weeds as an owner were intertwined between all of the weeds that were happening at any given moment; I needed to have the over-arching big picture, while also staying available to solve problems from the customers, and my staff. In short, any and all problems became MY problem.

While recovering from the accident my “job” made me feel like I was in the weeds almost all the time and nearly every day. Try as I might I couldn’t shake that feeling of how weeds in a lake can wrap around your legs and not let go. I had a difficult daily schedule of different therapies that weren’t an option for me to decide whether or not to go. I was also on a litany of daily drugs and can’t say I was fully cognizant during that time. I relied heavily on John and the nurses to help direct me through the worst of those times, but it was an very real reminder that being “in the weeds” surpasses those that I’m aware of growing in restaurants.

My great grandfather, with his own hands, built my family a cabin in Northern Minnesota on a beautiful lake named, “Cedar.” I spent countless hours swimming in the lake, and countless times had to furiously kick my legs to free them from slimy weeds; Oddly, it’s easy for me to connect the two. 

Now while I’m a couple years moved on from the worst of the accident, I’m feeling how some of those weeds have loosened their grip, but not entirely. I still deal with physical things like seizures, and definitely still deal with all kinds of mental weeds that are holding tight. In restaurants, I found there are mainly only two ways to handle being in the weeds, you can simply give up and let everything that’s balancing precariously fall apart, or you can just keep pushing on, and then keep pushing on some more. After obtaining my consciousness, I chose the latter. And that’s important.

Because giving up is giving up, and more often than not the things that are given up on cannot be un-given-up on. 

Part of my mindset to just “keep pushing” was grounded in my own determination to give it my all.

When they say, “Hindsight is 20/20”, I always stop and have a little debate with myself about whether I believe that or not. Although I can confidently say that I didn’t give up, I can’t say that when looking back on my life directly after the accident, and into the ensuing recovery, that I feel like I have a 20/20 sight about it. And I’m all too aware of selective memory; Sometimes things can be just too painful to relive and I’d rather not go through them again, even if it’s only a memory. 

However, it’s not a cut-and-dried decision of selecting a memory or not. More often than not you’ll just find them there in your lap and on your mind anyway. So in real time, what am I doing with these? Honestly it ebbs and flows, but I believe what the Bible says in Deuteronomy 31:6:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified … for the Lord goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you.” 

The struggle then becomes taking the knowledge I’ve learned and making it be the real guide of my thoughts and actions. Boy, easier said than done! The Bible is full of places where people are struggling to the point of death, while also feeling weak, and terrified. Those are people in history, but there are millions living right now in similar situations. The sun goes down, the sun comes up, and then down and up; Life seems bright, life gets dark, and then light and dark.

But you mustn’t give up when it’s dark, and when it’s light don’t sit in dread of more darkness. 

Rather, despite the darkness, yetrise!